Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
