Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize