You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
