I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
