This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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