addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
