They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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