Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
