Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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