If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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