Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
