We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
