besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
