the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
