Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize