don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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