so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
