Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
