Umm I'm too high to move.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
