from now on my penis is your penis
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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