There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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