people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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