I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
