I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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