My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
