At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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