I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
