did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
