He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
