Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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