jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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