Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Boobs speak an international language.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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