I'm going to jail i love you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
