I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
