I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
pop tarts are not kleenex
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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