I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
