Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize