I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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