I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
