I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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