there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
