i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have post one night stand depression
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