Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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