i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
