Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
