The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
