I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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