Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
