Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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