HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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