google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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