I got chris browned last night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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