alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to calm my uterus...
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