I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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