I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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