on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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