perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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