My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize