tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
