i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
