man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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