They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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