And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
