babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
