you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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