if you like me you must not know who I am
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
These tits shall not be calmed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
