you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
