ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
