I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
