RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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