U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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