Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
nutella sex= disaster
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
