Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
