So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
