once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
