Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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