ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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