I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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