he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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