38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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