Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize