Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
