I wish I could teleport
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize