Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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