Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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