why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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