just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
