Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
