hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize