Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Text me some of your sweat
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