sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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