Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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